part of my heart was taken away on bus #12

i put hayden in school just weeks after he turned 3. they offered busing but no way was i going to take them up on that offer. just sending him to school was heartbreak enough. last year i drove him to school every morning on my way to work and mom picked him up every afternoon. when i had talan, i continued to drive him and pick him up. it worked out perfectly. talan slept the entire time in his car seat. then this year came. and i still refused the bus. but just weeks after school started, i started realizing it wasn't fair to talan. i had to wake talan up once, if not twice in order to drop hayden off and pick him up. so that made for a crabby talan many days.
last week i decided to simply call and ask about busing, making no commitments. the person i needed to talk to was in a meeting and i was told they would call me back. nobody ever called. all of a sudden, friday at about 4pm i got a phone call. i answer to hear the person say "ok, so we have hayden scheduled to start riding the bus starting on monday morning. is that correct?" my heart sank. uh, really? that soon? so the weekend was filled with anxiety and me waking up in the middle of the nite sick to my stomach at the thought of watching him get on a bus.
it's not that big of a deal. he's already in school. but it's just another little thing that shows me he's getting older and he doesn't need me all the time. it was an awful decision i had to make. i would have much rathered him gone on the bus next year for kindergarten. at this point, next year will be a piece of cake. he'll have been in school for 2 1/2 years already and he will have taken the bus for a full year. so i guess this is almost like me sending him off to kindergarten.
yesterday morning we got all ready and waited outside with camera in hand. the bus was supposed to be there around 8:17am. 8:25 came and went. still no bus. finally, at 8:30am, the time school actually starts, i realized a bus was not coming. so i go inside, pack talan up and we all load up in the car. turns out there were a bunch of bus drivers out yesterday. so between that and hayden being brand new, he just got missed. great. i was all ready to rip that bandaid off and now i have to go through it again another day!
so this morning, once again, we head outside with camera in hand to wait for the bus. we waited and waited. i was beginning to think he got left behind again. but suddenly, bus number 12 appeared. hayden was so excited when he actually saw it turn the corner. it stopped in front of our house and hayden turned back to me to give me a hug and a kiss. then he headed up the stairs. the bus driver was super sweet and actually told him to stop at the top of the stairs and look at me so i could get a good picture of him. of course he wasn't actually looking at the camera, but it was good enough. and so bus #12 took off with a piece of my heart.
thank goodness for cameras. i really hardly thought about the whole "my baby is getting on a bus" thing because i was so focused on getting a few good shots. so no tears were shed and hopefully the anxiety will now be over and i can just enjoy not having to drop him off and pick him up every day. especially come the winter time.
when the bus came back to drop him off, he jumped off and when i asked how the bus ride was he simply said "the bus is AWESOME!" and then while heading into the house he looked at me and said "aren't you glad to have me back home?" yes, hayden. i am glad to have you back home. at least for that moment.

waiting patiently for the bus:
looking for the bus:
listening for the bus:
this is when he sat on the neighbors tree stump and said "i'm giving up" he's so dramatic:
here it finally comes a day late:
right after hayden saw the bus rounding the corner:





and just like that, he was gone. stupid tinted windows didn't let me take pictures of him sitting in his seat:
just getting home:

"the bus is awesome!":