oh, the things he says

last nite the family went out to grab some dinner and then run over to ikea and home depot to buy a new sink. we are installing a new counter top today and we needed to make sure we had everything before the installation starts.
hayden likes to be a backseat driver and tell me what lane to get in, how i should be passing cars and to drive faster. yeah, like i need any encouragement with that one. so i've been trying to explain to him that we can't go too fast or a policeman will pull us over and give us a ticket. well, in his mind, tickets are good things. you get a ticket to ride on a train, you get bonus tickets in video games, you get tickets at carnivals. so i've then had to explain how a ticket from a policeman is different than all of those kinds of tickets. we can get in trouble for driving too fast and we don't want a ticket from policemen.
so last nite, dave and i are talking and he starts driving down some weird road. kinda residential but not really. i'm not paying any attention as i have absolutely no idea where we even are. suddenly i hear dave say "oh crap" and i look out my mirror and see a cop is pulling us over. i then see a speed limit sign right in front of us saying 25 mph. great. so he pulls over and we start waiting. suddenly hayden sees the lights and mentions them. i explain to him that a policeman has just pulled us over. when the cop gets to the car he shines the lights in all the windows and sees hayden sitting back there. he asks dave if he knows why he's been pulled over. in the backseat hayden says in an excited voice "we didn't do anything bad. we did something good. we're getting a ticket!" apparently, even the cop laughed at that one.
when he went back to his car i tried telling hayden that we were in trouble and that we would probably get a ticket for going too fast. he put his window down and said "i want to ask the policeman something" right as the cop was coming back to the car. so we were like, "no, don't ask the policeman anything. just put your window up." the cop heard that hayden wanted to ask him something so he asked him what was up. and hayden says "don't give us a ticket." and i'm laughing but trying to tell him no and not make it seem like we put him up to that. then hayden rolls his window up. the cop starts knocking at his window telling him to roll it down and i look at him and tell him it's ok, to roll it down, the policeman wants to tell him something. so he rolls it down and the cop says "well, i won't give him a ticket for going too fast but we need to tell him to slow down, ok? so make sure you tell him to slow down!" and the cop hands dave a ticket for not stopping at a stop sign and a warning to "slow down." quite an expensive ticket right at the worst possible time. so he really didn't do us any favors.
we drive off and when we get to ikea i was trying to remember just what hayden said. so i ask dave, "did he say 'don't give us a ticket'?" and dave is like..."i think so" and from the backseat i hear a "yup, that's what i told him, mom."